I've always been a pretty happy guy, I try pretty damn hard to have fun. I like to party and act like a fool and raise hell, that is just who I am. About fifteen percent of the time I get lonely for a woman, other than that, I am quite pleased to be free from the compromise of having to cater to the constant needs and issues of a woman (ladies don't lie, you know how part-time job you can be). I also enjoy the ability to go places without having to get a sitter first and am damn happy that the only children in my life are being cared for by thier parents and not me. It has to be a shock when a busy father first has time to realize that he's built a family and that the weight of the world is on his shoulders. I only have to take care of me and that is a piece of cake. I feel for all of the busy couples trying to make thier dreams come true, it is a constant battle and you deserve sympathy and understanding..but you should realize that you did it to yourself, so the next time you're feeling trapped, frustrated and over-worked, don't take it out on anyone but yourself and those little Micheal Phelps Olympic swimmers you donated after one too many shots of Jagermiester....
The other half of the time, I want your life about as much as you want mine. Perspective seems to never be the goal of an unhappy person. Most of the time, immeadiate gratification presides over logical understanding of the unhappiness at hand. Everyone assumes that seeing things as they are, means that the emotions and ideas you experiance and form judgments on regarding the way your life is going and the people, places and things are as you have filled it with, are as you have discovered them to be. You accept these ideas as the truth without ever questioning your accuracy. The reality of your life and your desire to be happy have little need for the truth. If you are fine with the assumption that your life is great you never question weather or not you are living a lie. The second a person is upset or frusterated with thier life (repeatedly) they ask themselves what they need or what is lacking and then they turn on all of the things/people/ habits (elements with in thier control) and consider the yield of happiness they provide against the amount of aggrivation and up keep they require. As we weigh these external components we dismiss the idea that we may have made incorrect judgements regarding the source of our misery. We then find a patsy component of our life to take the fall and develop a case against this person, place or thing, inorder to reinforce what we have decided, further dissmissing any thought that we may be wrong about what is causing this unhappiness. We justify this patsy as being the issue by disscussing with our peers how horrible our spouce, job, friend, belongings, etc; are looking for external support and advice.
We are addicted to this way of thinking. We are gossip junkies and self indulging, self-medicators looking for a quick fix and we can be very petty when it comes time to hate on someone or thing and there isn't really a valid reason. If you are sick of the drama, stop creating it and placing yourself in its path and have the guts to take a good look at how you are feeling. if you can become well practiced at being aware of the way you are thinking and some of the emotions attached to your misconcieved ideas about how things are, you can begin to understand why you act and feel the way you do.
An example of how perception can alter your thoughts about an aspect of your life you are unhappy with: You can't live up to your Parent's expectations and you've always felt like a big failure no matter what you have achieved. You hate your wife, she's caty and bitchy and never in the mood. You don't want to be home and you are thinking of leaving her. Later you are out hunting with your father and you both get lost in an ice cold Nor'easter. Your father dies of a heart attack from pushing through the miles of deep snow trying to make it out before dark. You are out there in the freezing cold crying over his dead body and hoping there is some miracle that will get you out of there alive and bring your dad back. You long for that cozy chair in front of your T.V. and wish you could just go back to last night because fighting with that miserable nag is a million times better that freezing to death alone in the woods.
The good news is that none of these things have to happen for you to realize and count your blessings... A one eighty can happen over time if you take the time everyday to try and see your life for the good that it contains. You can love your life if you take the time to care for it, to manage it and embrace it. If you took the time to care for your relationship with your father then you would develop a bond that might allow your issues to be resolved. Later you may laugh at how wrong about him you were. If you took the time to care for your wife and help her with her struggles, you might develop a deeper understasnding of each other and help to relieve some of her stress. You might actually start doing things for her because you don't want her to have to worry about them. You'll stop doing things just because you are sick of listening to her bitch. Care for your house and it will become a home again. Fix the broken spindles on your bannister, remodel and clean your home and you will have another thing to be proud of. Most of the time it is easier to complain about how things are rather than to fix them. You are lazy. Fear and laziness are your only real enemys, both cause you to stop caring for these aspects of your life and both bring you to disaster when you have let the care stop for a long enough period. The secret to a peaceful and more enjoyable life is hard work. It isn't easy caring for things, so you shouldn't ask for more than you can care for, in fact, most of the time we get new things, it is because we are not busy caring for what we have. Stop thinking about leaving your failed and broken relationships and put care into them, the love will return, it probably isn't even gone, its probably just undermaintained and underdeveloped. Most of the time, we just want to find somthing new because it is easier than repairing somthing you have and let go to shit. What will happen to your new pride and joy if you care for it the way you did the last? My guess is, you will have to get somthing new again and again and never be happy for long with what you have. It isn't what you lack that makes you poor and depressed, it's what you fail to manage which keeps you down. I don't know the meaning of life, but I do know that I have one and that it should be looked after with as much care and concern as you give a new born baby.
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