"If you give a hog some nookie"......

If you give sweet sixteen, "the dirty prom queen", two wine coolers and a shot of Jim Beam.....she'll probably ask for sex.




If sweet sixteen, "the dirty prom queen" just had sex, she'll probably need a cigarette.



When Sweet sixteen, "the dirty prom queen" is finished smoking, she'll probably want her cell phone to text all her friends...


But If sweet sixteen. "the dirty prom queen" texts her friends, you'll probably lose your job as Chemistry Teacher...So you should kill her!







If you kill sweet sixteen, "the dirty prom queen", you'll need to hide her body in a dumpster.


If you kill sweet sixteen, "the dirty prom queen", and get rid of her body...you'll probably need another victim....

To Death and the Crabs!!!

"So, you've got the crabs and you want me to go in, scratching my balls and buy "you" some Triple XXX crab shampoo and pretend that it's me, who infact, has said crabs?" Jimmy asked, as he toggled through the stations of his A.M. radio. "Yeah, that's pretty much it"... "Oh, and if you don't mind, could we keep this on the D.L.?" Luke replied with the fear of god in his voice.

Meanwhile, I sat in the back seat wondering if the girl of my dreams was ever going to return my phone call. I am ashamed to admitt it, but at the time I had been dating women from the net. I had been chatting with this girl "Amanda" for about three weeks. I realized I was going to be in her town the following Thursday for a bussiness meeting. We ended up getting sushi together in Hartford Thursday night and then agreed to meet up the next day. The next day we went to the beach and spent the day in the sun making out. Later, I took her to a seven course meal at this fancy place called Sauce. I went home late friday night, deciding not to screw this absolutley gorgeous early twenties babe. Well I had not heard from her in three days, despite a solid week of talking to her before she fell of the planet. So there I sat in the back seat, too depressed to find the obvious humor of the crab situation.

"Hey Tony, Who do you think was a better drummer, John Bonham or Neil Pert? Called Jimmy from the front seat. "Rush sucks, how is that even fair?" I ansewred back with conviction, obviously distracted from my pathetic pit of dispair. "Yeah but who on a one on one basis, is better?" Jimmy insisted. "Bonham is the best by far, its a gimme question." I announced as if it were as common a fact as the sky being blue. "O.k. Let's do this!" Jimmy said as he opened the door to the car and stepped out into the parking lot. "Are you coming?" he asked, looking Luke in the eye. "Why do I have to go in, you're the one buying it?" begged Luke. "Because its for you...If you want me to but it, you have to come in!" Jimmy comanded. "Fine, Let's go!" Luke said, caving in after a brief moment of debate.

Back to dealing with this woman on the brain. So, no call from her at all, its like she forgot how to use a phone. I was really pretty disgusted with myself, I thought I did everything right. I was totally at my witt's end trying to think of what I might have said,when I was interupted by the sound of gunfire. I sank down low into the to seat and tried to convince myself it was just firecrackers, but it was no good, I was scared as all hell. The shooting only lasted a few seconds, but I didn't lift my head for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually, though, I managed up the courage to peek over the front passenger seat and out the middle, only to see two bloody corpses, one inside of a car, the other with her head shot all to shit, a gun laying on the hood beside her. I got out and ran into the drug store. I got to the door just as the guys were coming out.

"Dude the lady knew it was for me, anyway." "Yeah because you were acting all sketchy and shit!"

"Guys, get back inside!!!" There's been a shooting in the parking lot!" I screamed in panic and out of breath. "Some lady just killed herself and some guy!" I told them, as I struggled to come to terms with the gravity of the situation. What the hell just happened? I was sitting there in the car and bam, two people are dead with in feet of me. Great, now I have to deal with this.

Fifteen years later, I still remember the seeing the mush of some woman's skull bleeding all over the hood of her car, all because Lucus had to go and catch the crabs.

And just so you know, that bitch never called me back, because she got killed by a drunk driver going home from our date. I found the news in the Hartfort Sun's obituary section, on-line, later that very same day.

Appreciation

I could barely stand when we were through, the summer air was fresh and cool on our swet drenched bodies as we shared our only cigarette and listened to the wet summer shower. Her naked body pressed against mine from behind, her breath at my ear, the smell of cigarettes and over priced merlot on her breath. Thank you for the awesome "O" she whispered as she kissed the back of my neck and embraced me just a little tighter. "I hope {exhaling smoke} I mean.. I love you." I replied, deciding not to say what I had planned. "you hope what, Justin?" she asked lovingly. " "I hope we are pregnant, I want to be a part of your life forever. I just love everything about us." I confessed fearing I had said too much. "I do to, when we make love, its like we are the most two beautiful people in the world...its like we are Adam and Eve." she replied. Then in silence we listened to the rain and finished our only cigarette, swallowed our last few sips of wine and stepped away back into our bedroom and finally off into dreamland.



Its been six or more years since the cozy silence of that rainy night. I spend much of my time now in solitude. The nights after work are serene and peaceful, they offer refuge from the monotony of a hard and seemingly endless day of restaurant work. My feet are sore, my eyes are heavy and I long for the warmth of my giant empty bed. I used to long for her love, pine for another love as incredible and endearing as hers, this much I remember, but it has been too long and I have since forgotten what it is that I am missing...



Tonight as I recall the magic of the past, I am also reminded of the future. The future causes a great deal of pessimism with in me. I tend to forget that awesome things can happen and instead focus on the idea that if I don't make the right decisions and find the motivation to make certain things happen, then they may never occur at all. I wish I had no expectations somtimes, so I could just let go and drift among the chaos and become whatever is chosen for me. I am a dreamer, my mind is wet with ideas and possibilities of who and what I may like to become. Mostly, I long for a wife and a child. Too encounter the wide eyes of a pure and flawless creation. To hear sounds unintended, yet natural and expected, from an angel in diapers with breath fresh full of life and wonder. To hold a mother weak from hours of endurance and caress her empty supple belly with the same endless amount of compassion I had when I watched it double and triple in size. And I will love her deeper than I can fathom, harder than mine own heart dare beat and I will praise life with a new found respect for the glory and grace of creation.



For now, as I blush with shame for admitting my heart's only real desire, I will remian in the present, somewhat grounded by reality yet, very much alive with hope. Perhaps someday soon my dreams will come to pass. I never have had any doubt in my faith, just in the details. In my brief experiance of life I have become aware that things don't always go as planned, that dreams are few and far between, and how very precious are our few ansewered prayers. I think of the victims of everyday life that through disease and tragedy have died incomplete and deprived lives. And I do not wish to be selfish, despite the many who have the fortune to experiance thier dreams yet, fail to appreciate how incredible it is to be blessed. I do not intend to grow with scorn, a hatred for the have's, when I have not. I wish only the be the soil, the conditions ripe for miracles to prevail, so I may be ready for great love and to love greatly with or without miracle, all that is here.

Country music presents: A hillbilly's Sonnet

I don't have the patience to love you anymore

the devil sends you roses

and you've one foot out the door.

As I lay here on our sofa

and pretend to try and sleep

I want you in a coffin buried six feet deep

I never wanted you so bad

As I want you now to be dead

visions of you bleeding and a gun under my head

I wish I could unscrew you

and erase you from my mind

burn you from my memory and leave you far behind

Cause you can't do this one thing

and be want I want you to be

Baby if you really loved me,

you'd stand over me and pee

I don't want your daddy's money

I don't want a faithful wife

or little whiney babys

that will keep me up at night

All I want from you babe

is a blast of warmth and welcome

and a good ol' hearty hand job

while I'm watching Malcome.

So honey drink some water

and come join me on this couch

I'll bang you with my big bird

and show you I'm no grouch

I'm gonna take your life bitch

If you don't do me this one favor

because I need your golden shower

You've got that speacial flavor

Honey do this for me

I know its an odd request

but if you piss all over me

I'll buy you two new breasts

So drink an Ice cold pitcher

and be who I want you to be.

If you ever really loved me.

Stand over me....and pee.

The End!

Health insurance might just make me a criminal...

Most likely I will never go on a rampage, but if I ever do, it will be health care related for sure. I got a call from the hospital today saying that MVP didn't have me covered under a policy and that I needed to call them.. I swore at the lady and smashed a bunch of my favorite possessions. What could possibly get me that pissed off immeadiatly... Health care red tape bullshit. For an entire year I called my previous employer (whom I'd left unfavorably) thier insurance, benifits department and my new insurance provider to be. I was never taken off of the group insurance active list when I quit my job, so I couldn't get insurance because I had insurance. However, I didn't really have insurance. My current employer doesn't offer insurance, so I applied for Vermont State Health Care Assistance.....Three times...And I had to verify my income three times, get my boss to fill out paper work three times and call every friggin' office involved about three hundred times.



Then I had insurance..but I could find a health care provider who was taking patients. I found one eventually, but I had to wait two months for an appointment. A day before my long awaited scheduled visit, they called and cancelled and told me they could get me in on September 3rd, which was two months away.. I asked the receptionist, "are we in the middle of an African rainforest or in the richest country in the world?" She said there was nothing she could do, "I told her there was, she could go fuck herself!" So, now I was back in the market for a health care provider. I found a doctor's office that was going out of bussiness because it is owned by our poor ass local hospital. This office was void of all other patients and when I went in, they acted happy to see me, espeacially since they are closing in December. I went in to see my new doctor about a few issues that I have been waiting to have taken care of since I left my former job two years ago. I filled out the forms and ansewered his questionaire honestly, which means I admitted to drinking three glasses of wine every night and smoking pot occasionally. Bad Idea! He sat me down, used the C.A.G.E. assement to fit me into the category of borderline alcoholic and told me he could get me treatment...but I just went in to get some meds that I used to be on and an annual check up. I didn't go there because alcohol and drugs were ruining my life. He recommended that I see a drug and substance counselor for treatment, but I spent the last year living with two drug and substance abuse counselors who told me that I was living the average normal life of a bachelor and that I showed little signs of having a chemical dependance issue. The doctor had me come back for a follow up visit after some blood work, scheduled me for a stress test because I was considering getting back in shape and another follow up appointment with him to go over those results. I cancelled the stress test and the follow up because I don't feel I need them. The only reason to go back to my doctor would be to get the meds I need for a medical condition I have that I have had for years, (but he won't write me a presciption until I see him a few more times and the meds that I need are non-narcotic). So I said the hell with him and I have been working out for two months and have lost twenty-five puonds. I have been eating right and paying my bills on time.



This morning I ansewered the phone and it was the hospital asking me to verify my MVP health care information. It didn't go through, in fact, it showed that I didn't have insurance at all. I swore at this lady and appollogized immeaditely, assuming I should have been bitching to the insurance or the Vermont assistance program that sends me three different letters every month. The first letter usually says that my health coverage has ended, the second, that my coverage has been approved and that I need to fill out the appropriate information with my employer (for a fouth time) and the last envelope usually is my monthly premium. Naturally, I assumed the fault was with Vermont state. I called their office and they said I was currently covered and that I had been for three months. I called MVP and waited for assitance for fifteen minutes on hold after running through thier push button bullshit menu. I was transferred, twice and then told that I am currently covered and that I have been for three months. The member's service specialist said I should call the billing department at the hospital and tell them to call MVP. I called the billing department and they just picked up the phone and hung it up, four times.. Probably on a lunch break...at noon, (most people's lunch break), the only time most people have to handle this type of shit.



Bureucratic bullshit is wasting money, time and effiicency. I don't give a shit about paying a million dollars for health care...its kind of worth it. The real problem with the industry is the unwillingness for coverage to be granted (as it is supposed to be according to the subscriber's coverage manual), The local hospital is going broke because they don't have comptent people filling out the claims with the insurance companies and making sure the hospital gets paid.. They send me the bill when they can't do thier job and tell me its my responsibility to pay, becuase they can't file a claim. I won't pay, thats what the insurance is for and every time I call the insurance they say, yeah we cover that, but we never got a claim form from the doctor. Maybe he's the one with the drug problem.



My final conclusion is that doctor's are the same as car repair shops, you go in for one thing and they try to scare you into paying for another as well. they don't care about you, they want money...They'll tell you that you need surgery, when you don't and tell you that your insurance will cover it 100% and they won't. So you end up with thousands of dollars in uncovered medical expenses and the hospital puts you on a pay plan. They won't get a dime from me, those scoundrels....I'm about to have a goddam heart attack dealing with this shit!!!!!!!!!!!I wish it was just one person who was at fault..I'd go kick his ass!

A good old fashioned drunk poem to off set the wisdom I spew when I'm completly sober...yeah i'm drunk so judge me, so what...

I like laughing till dawn

playing strip poker after my pants are gone

living a lie and being a pawn

getting hammered after mowwing the lawn

I like shots and the taste of cavier

smoking blunts and pricey cigars

loud sexy women in the dirtiest bars

Harley Davidson and real loud guitars

I like trashy and classy ones too

sassy Irish women and proper Jews

I like forties and suckin' on chew

Rolex watches and obnoxious tattoos

I gotta an itch for an slim girl now

later I'll take home a cow

but, weather yolked to a harness

or attached to plow......

I find my way through this shit somehow...

When my time first began I was hell on two legs

Now in my thirties, I plead and I beg

through the misery of loss and the drieryist dregs

I've kept the voices inside of my head

With the swiftness of time I lay and I wait

for a warm gentle soul to penetrate

She may be be a stranger, an internet date

but I will not sit home and debate

She may be in the movies or fresh out of prison

But I will just watch, sit, look and listen

content with my life and bent on a mission

and make her get tested by the nearest physician..

Are you happy? Most people who aren't, don't care!

I've always been a pretty happy guy, I try pretty damn hard to have fun. I like to party and act like a fool and raise hell, that is just who I am. About fifteen percent of the time I get lonely for a woman, other than that, I am quite pleased to be free from the compromise of having to cater to the constant needs and issues of a woman (ladies don't lie, you know how part-time job you can be). I also enjoy the ability to go places without having to get a sitter first and am damn happy that the only children in my life are being cared for by thier parents and not me. It has to be a shock when a busy father first has time to realize that he's built a family and that the weight of the world is on his shoulders. I only have to take care of me and that is a piece of cake. I feel for all of the busy couples trying to make thier dreams come true, it is a constant battle and you deserve sympathy and understanding..but you should realize that you did it to yourself, so the next time you're feeling trapped, frustrated and over-worked, don't take it out on anyone but yourself and those little Micheal Phelps Olympic swimmers you donated after one too many shots of Jagermiester....



The other half of the time, I want your life about as much as you want mine. Perspective seems to never be the goal of an unhappy person. Most of the time, immeadiate gratification presides over logical understanding of the unhappiness at hand. Everyone assumes that seeing things as they are, means that the emotions and ideas you experiance and form judgments on regarding the way your life is going and the people, places and things are as you have filled it with, are as you have discovered them to be. You accept these ideas as the truth without ever questioning your accuracy. The reality of your life and your desire to be happy have little need for the truth. If you are fine with the assumption that your life is great you never question weather or not you are living a lie. The second a person is upset or frusterated with thier life (repeatedly) they ask themselves what they need or what is lacking and then they turn on all of the things/people/ habits (elements with in thier control) and consider the yield of happiness they provide against the amount of aggrivation and up keep they require. As we weigh these external components we dismiss the idea that we may have made incorrect judgements regarding the source of our misery. We then find a patsy component of our life to take the fall and develop a case against this person, place or thing, inorder to reinforce what we have decided, further dissmissing any thought that we may be wrong about what is causing this unhappiness. We justify this patsy as being the issue by disscussing with our peers how horrible our spouce, job, friend, belongings, etc; are looking for external support and advice.

We are addicted to this way of thinking. We are gossip junkies and self indulging, self-medicators looking for a quick fix and we can be very petty when it comes time to hate on someone or thing and there isn't really a valid reason. If you are sick of the drama, stop creating it and placing yourself in its path and have the guts to take a good look at how you are feeling. if you can become well practiced at being aware of the way you are thinking and some of the emotions attached to your misconcieved ideas about how things are, you can begin to understand why you act and feel the way you do.

An example of how perception can alter your thoughts about an aspect of your life you are unhappy with: You can't live up to your Parent's expectations and you've always felt like a big failure no matter what you have achieved. You hate your wife, she's caty and bitchy and never in the mood. You don't want to be home and you are thinking of leaving her. Later you are out hunting with your father and you both get lost in an ice cold Nor'easter. Your father dies of a heart attack from pushing through the miles of deep snow trying to make it out before dark. You are out there in the freezing cold crying over his dead body and hoping there is some miracle that will get you out of there alive and bring your dad back. You long for that cozy chair in front of your T.V. and wish you could just go back to last night because fighting with that miserable nag is a million times better that freezing to death alone in the woods.

The good news is that none of these things have to happen for you to realize and count your blessings... A one eighty can happen over time if you take the time everyday to try and see your life for the good that it contains. You can love your life if you take the time to care for it, to manage it and embrace it. If you took the time to care for your relationship with your father then you would develop a bond that might allow your issues to be resolved. Later you may laugh at how wrong about him you were. If you took the time to care for your wife and help her with her struggles, you might develop a deeper understasnding of each other and help to relieve some of her stress. You might actually start doing things for her because you don't want her to have to worry about them. You'll stop doing things just because you are sick of listening to her bitch. Care for your house and it will become a home again. Fix the broken spindles on your bannister, remodel and clean your home and you will have another thing to be proud of. Most of the time it is easier to complain about how things are rather than to fix them. You are lazy. Fear and laziness are your only real enemys, both cause you to stop caring for these aspects of your life and both bring you to disaster when you have let the care stop for a long enough period. The secret to a peaceful and more enjoyable life is hard work. It isn't easy caring for things, so you shouldn't ask for more than you can care for, in fact, most of the time we get new things, it is because we are not busy caring for what we have. Stop thinking about leaving your failed and broken relationships and put care into them, the love will return, it probably isn't even gone, its probably just undermaintained and underdeveloped. Most of the time, we just want to find somthing new because it is easier than repairing somthing you have and let go to shit. What will happen to your new pride and joy if you care for it the way you did the last? My guess is, you will have to get somthing new again and again and never be happy for long with what you have. It isn't what you lack that makes you poor and depressed, it's what you fail to manage which keeps you down. I don't know the meaning of life, but I do know that I have one and that it should be looked after with as much care and concern as you give a new born baby.

A dirty word dance

Hamburger helper

Butt hole stuffed

inbred cornbread

crossdressed muff

Naked gay kid

marmalade parade

arround the corner fudge is made

A Half black Cadillac

drunk drivin

battle ax

gone to Troy to buy some crack

to stuff inside her souless ass

Happy dildo

out of sight

tiny dancer

hold on tight

trust your insticts

thrust with might

don't let up

just treat it right

Redbook facebook

myspace twitter

the news is out

your mom's a spitter

A bathtub fart

a butterfly effect

Ate three o'these pills

.....still ain't errect

Public chicken

radio speaker

dog shit treads

on brand new sneakers

Respect your elders

say your prayers

ask your girlfriend

to wax those hairs

Angry beaver

disbeliever

long haired hippie

knappy weaver

all my life I begged and moaned

called dirty numbers on my phone

but, now we have the internet

so I can type without regret

So maybe I'll be shameless

A foolish kind of brave

Maybe I'll get famous

I probably won't get laid!

Kermit the Blog

Things I hate about bar customers:



I enjoy my job as a bartender, in fact, there is nothing I'd rather do except get laid. One of the things I like about my job is interacting with the customers I encounter on a daily basis. I learn a lot and I also hear a lot of bullshit, gossip and dirty jokes. However there are a few things that customers do that really piss me off.



To start, I really hate when I tell someone that will be right with them and they shout their order as I walk away. Half of the time I hear and remember what they want, but i'm so pissed that they couldn't wait like I had asked them to that I don't even bother serving them until I can find nothing else to do, which some times can take up to fifteen minutes.



I also don't appreciate whistlers, people who slap the bar and yell for service. I see you, I know you're there and I'll get to you when its your turn and if you are obnoxious (especially the New Jersy and Long Islanders) you will be served dead last. If you continue with your shinanigans I will tell you why you are not enjoying a tasty alcoholic beverage and then be with you shortly. Some people think that ignoring the guests is bad for bussiness, but even the public needs to be managed (especially since I am serving a controlled substance). Adults act like children somtimes, they watch too much Television and try to act as cool as thier favorite characters. I've even had people step to the bar and order rehearsed cocktail instructions such as, shaken, not stirred and made up drinks as unlikely as a Naked Zack Effron. If the person who your naming a drink after isn't old enough to actually enjoy alcohol legally, I'm not making it.

Another emmy award winning move to get my attention is to use my name without actually having introduced yourself. So what you know my name, I still may need to see your I.D. and even if we've been through an introduction, you haven't been in enough to be remembered. Most of the time the people that yell my name heard a regular use it, once again, please wait your turn. Knowing my name doesn't make you V.I.P. even my grandmother has to wait her turn. The difference is, she knows how to be patient, god bless the old school, what happened to good old fashioned self restraint.

I don't mind when customers come in to catch a buzz, in fact, I think that it a good reson to go to a bar. When a local redneck and his buddies come in and ask for three shots, a round of jack and cokes lite on the coke and tell me they're going to get shitty, I get worried. I work in restaurants because I love to flirt with waitresses and also because I don't enjoy the liability of serving rowdy binge drinking drunks who are likely to start fights, yell and act like idiots and cause scenes. I don't need that kind of trouble and a family owned restaurant isn't the appropriate place to get that shitty...but its a good place to start. Feel free to catch a buzz a nice meal full of protien and be on your way... thank you.

I don't try and take your order while i'm on the phone, please don't try to order while on yours. I have to ask for temperatures on steaks, offer modifiers and repeat the order, so don't be pissed that I'm asking you questions. I have a great idea, lets talk when you are done so you don't have to have it my way.

I hate trying to figure out who is paying for what when everybody is buying each other drinks, keep it to a recieved drink and a returned favor, otherwise, I am confused, you may get charged with whatever you drink and besides, do you really want to end up drinking want somebody else likes all night?

A few last little aggrivations to set you straight:
I don't want to see any sleeping, crying or hear any talk of wanting to get in a fight. I don't need any help making a drink nor do I need your criticism if the drink I'm making isn't yours. If another guest is pissing you off call me aside, there is no need to get pissy with another guest. If I am making a drink for you and you change your mind, you still have to pay for it. If the chairs are up, yes we are closed. If children are sitting at the bar with thier family, they are customers, don't complain about them taking up seats, thier parents are spending money in a family restaurant and it is not illegal in the state you are in. you don't know the laws as well as I do, its my job to know the so I do. I am the law, if I say you are done, you are done. If I say you can have a Long Island Ice Tea, guess what, you can't. I am not a bank, I don't do tabs, I don't take checks (otherwise I have to find you when the check bounces and try to collect back the money I had to pay out of pocket for your tab. Trust me you don't want to owe me money.) I don't give rides or buy drinks for cock teases who aren't going to tip or put out.

I welcome the patient, friendly patron who understands their boundries, legal limitations and our liscense's liability. You may laugh, carry on and have a good time, let me take care of the rest. I will entetain you and provide a good meal in an environment that is hospitable. If you visit me once, you'll be back...

Temple of the Blog

I awoke in a kiddie pool this morning, fifty-two degrees, the water mixed with martini regurgitation, the children unable to swim in fear of accidental intoxication. Idon't care if I ever see Dora the Explorer again.....I had been dreaming previously of a cold November shower where I was freeezing and hiking quickly to get to shelter. I dream in color. I remember tall naked trees, howling winds and following a girl in a red hoodie to her grandmother's cabin...the rest is pretty much a porno so i won't share it with you. I do have to say that I was just as surprized to have experianced a nocternal emission as I was to have woken up the way I did. We started out at Pangea Lounge last night, drinking wine and laughing at all of the stupid things we've done while intoxicated. Who would've guessed that I was about to top all of my drunkery with in the hours to come..



6:00 P.M. We walked into Kevin's, a restaurant and local watering hole up the street from Pangea Lounge. I had drank a bottle of wine and had moved on to martinis. Bombay Safire Gibson martinis to be exact, complimented by a pickled onion and guaranteed to keep away the ladies. I wasn't out to find love or anything else a woman might be good for, tonight, I was on a mission.



I had left work happy to be done and ready to fully embrace the lack of stress that two days off would bring. The restaurant where I work had been crazy busy for weeks and several of the staff members had been out with illness and injury, we were understaffed and I had been working doubles for fourteen days. The real problem is that I happen to be an alcholic and whenever an alcoholic takes a break, we seem to make up for lost time.



Walking into Kevin's I noticed an old friend outside, Elias Sheldon, whom I had matriculated in college with. I hadn't seen Elias since we graduated five years ago, evidently he was packing parachutes for the government. He was the last guy I'd want packing my chute, that is if you could get me to jump. Elias was the type of guy who would stick you with the shirt off his back if he had been sprayed by a skunk. True story, he actually got sprayed by a skunk in college and had taken his soiled clothing and hid them under the passenger seat of my car, leaving a mysterious stench for about three weeks.

Anyway, Elias invited us to sit at his table and began ordering shots and appitizers. Evidently he had come into some money and wasn't too concerned with his spending. He never elaborated on how he got his wealth, all he said was that from now on things were going to be different and that chance favors the prepared. We were getting pretty shitty pretty fast when three red necks came rushing into the bar and pulled Elias out of his seat and dragged him out of the place kicking and screaming. I ran out side and tried to fight them off, but it was no good, I got puched in the face a few times and kicked in the face. As I looked up from the puddle of blood that was dripping off of my face, they drove away with elias inside thier car. I ran down the hill to where my car was parked in front of Pangea, got in and drove off in the direction that they took him. It had not occured to me that I was hammered until the adrenaline wore off. I was all over the road and feeling the pain of a possible broken nose. What the hell was I going to to when and if I found the kidnappers, I had no idea. I pulled over to look for somthing to use as a weapon in my trunk when a patrol car pulled along side of me.

"A little car trouble son? " the officer asked as he noticed my bloodied head. " What happened to your face?" the officer asked as step out of his car and carefully came arround to meet me standing at the trunk. I was under the gun and under the influence, so I decided to hop back into the car and peel out. I flew down the twisted country backroads kicking up dust and barely avoiding a few close calls with mail boxes and maple trees and didn't stop until I came to a big red barn on the side of the road. It looked as if I might be able to pull behind the barn, so I decided to give it a try, hopefully I wouldn't get stuck in the thick mud that surrounded the building. As I made my way arround the last corner of the building, I saw the tail lights of the cop car going by.

As I sat in the car and tried to sleep to let a couple of hours go by, so I could make a run for it at daylight and get back home, I couldn't help think that my old friend was dead...